


Fear to Love You

by Mara



Category: GoGo Sentai Boukenger | Rumbling Squadron Boukenger
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:31:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2565020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara/pseuds/Mara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souta is looking for comfort. It leads to something more difficult, but so much more rewarding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains references to past child sexual abuse and torture, plus current PTSD. The only graphic sex herein is consensual, but if you're concerned about being triggered, please don't read. 
> 
> This takes place in some indeterminate time in the last third of the series, but definitely before the last few episodes.

Souta had learned that the best way to banish his many and varied nightmares was sex. Well, sex and/or having someone else in the bed while he slept.

Unfortunately, the life of a Boukenger didn't exactly leave a lot of time for cuddling. Or for sex, for that matter. Even the least needy partner eventually wanted to know where he was going at all hours of day and night, which was a fair question that Souta wished he could answer.

So what Souta needed right now was some comfort and companionship...which didn't explain why he found himself watching the very prickly Inou Masumi, rather than one of the many pleasant SGS support staff or even one of the other members of his team. 

Covering his eyes, Souta realized his gaze had drifted _again_ to the aforementioned Masumi. This was really getting out of hand and clearly he was going to have to do something soon.

He scowled, glancing around to make sure his other teammates hadn't snuck back into the salon while he was thinking, before making his way down the steps toward Masumi, who sat on the couch with a magazine.

It felt like a split-second decision on how to handle it, but Souta suspected his subconscious had been considering the matter for weeks and he knelt in front of Masumi, touching his knee.

Masumi jumped, his eyes wide. "What the hell?"

"Can I ask a favor?" Souta rubbed Masumi's knee gently.

Masumi froze, staring down at him, looking...frightened? "Uh..."

Souta pulled his hand back in alarm. He didn't misjudge often, but he wasn't perfect. "I'm sorry. I thought you might be interested. I'll leave you alone, I promise." Damn it, damn it, he thought, standing up and turning away.

Masumi leapt up and grabbed his arm. "Why?"

"What?" Souta tensed, certain he was going to get punched. It had been a long time since...

"Why did you think that?" 

That wasn't Masumi's angry voice, more like the voice he'd used when he told the story of Yami no Yaiba killing the treasure hunters he'd grown up with. Souta turned back slowly, not wanting to startle the other man. "I'm not sure, exactly. I thought you might be checking me out, but I was wrong."

Masumi's chest was heaving like he'd been running. "You..."

What the hell? Souta was afraid to move while Masumi worked through whatever it was.

"You weren't entirely wrong," he said eventually, so quietly Souta almost couldn't hear him.

Souta waited.

"I tried not to."

Souta couldn't help the wince.

Masumi seemed to notice he was still holding Souta's arm and he dropped it like a hot iron. "Never mind."

"Masumi..." Souta wasn't even sure what he wanted to say, but he sensed that his teammate was about to run away and things were going to be awkward. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Masumi crossed his arms, scowling.

"For upsetting you. I was just hoping to, ah, relieve some stress."

Masumi was fidgeting in the way he got when he was embarrassed or having to deal with some kind of emotion. "I thought you were a ladies man." 

Souta couldn't help a small grin. "I'm that too. But neither of the ladies here has any interest in me." 

"Nice to know I'm a consolation prize." 

Souta resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I didn't say that. I like to consider all my options and I hoped you were interested."

Masumi shook his head twice but it didn't seem to be a response to what he'd said, so Souta waited, unsure what to say. "I don't...I don't know what to do," Masumi said eventually.

"It's just sex," Souta said, but when Masumi took a step back, Souta knew he'd somehow said exactly the wrong thing.

"I knew you were hopeless." Masumi spat the words out, spinning on his heel and stalking toward the elevator.

Souta's jaw dropped. "What the fuck was that?" he managed finally.

* * *

Masumi was more prickly than usual for the next few days—bad enough that even Eiji noticed—but despite Souta's concerns, there didn't seem to be any further repercussions. 

Of course, that still left him with the problem of the nightmares, which seemed to be getting worse. He tried to get one of the security guards into bed, but his attempt was so half-hearted that he just got laughed at. The secretary who worked afternoons at the front desk rolled her eyes and sent him away so she could get her work done.

Slumped on his favorite seat in the salon, idly strumming the guitar, Souta decided he'd lost his touch and clearly he was doomed to never sleep properly again. Glancing at his watch, he sighed. Only 3 am. Lots of time for nightmares before dawn. Maybe if he was really lucky...he yawned, putting down the guitar...maybe it would only be the one where he died with a knife in his stomach. Or one where Toba shot him in the head.

The heater kicked on with a gentle hum, blowing warm air across his arm where it rested on his stomach. He could just close his eyes for a few minutes. It wouldn't hurt to doze. Just a little nap. He was so very tired.

_The little girl looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears. "What are you doing?"_

_"I'm sorry," Souta said._

_"They're dead! They're all dead! Why?"_

_"I'm sorry. I...had to. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt them. I can't fix this. What do I do? What do I do?"_

_"Souta."_

_"Please, someone help me!"_

_"Souta!"_

_Souta turned, confused. Nobody here knew his name. What was going on?_

_"Souta! Wake up!"_

_Masumi? Why—_

Gasping, Souta sat up, nearly smacking his forehead into Masumi's. 

Masumi fell backward, staring up at him from the floor in alarm. "What the hell? You were screaming. I could hear you in the elevator."

"I fell asleep." It sounded stupid but Souta couldn't get his sluggish brain to work.

"That's what happens when you fall asleep?" Masumi crossed his legs and looked at him. 

"Never mind." Souta scrubbed his face. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep here. Sorry to bother you." It took some effort, but he started to stand.

"Wait."

Souta wanted to leave but there was something in Masumi's tone...he lowered himself back to the chair on trembling legs.

Hands on his knees, staring down at the floor, Masumi said "I have nightmares too."

"Oh," Souta said after a while. If only he'd had some sleep, maybe this conversation would make sense. But then, if he could sleep, they wouldn't be having this conversation. Or something like that.

"Sometimes it's Yami no Yaiba. Seeing people die."

Souta took a breath. "I dream about people I've hurt, the things I did."

"Sometimes I dream about other things."

Souta wracked his brain. He'd deleted all his data about his teammates, but that didn't mean he'd forgotten it all. Masumi had been a treasure hunter. He'd mostly worked alone. There weren't any records of him hurting anyone on purpose or he'd never have been invited to join the team. Satoru was loose on ethics in many ways, but a sadist or murderer would be right out. Neither of those fit what he knew of his teammate anyway. "Other things?" he asked eventually.

Masumi was still staring at the floor, hair mostly covering his face, and his arms moved to wrap around himself. It didn't look like he realized he was doing it. "Other times. I...don't like thinking about when I was a kid."

Souta held his breath, not wanting to disturb this moment in any way.

"I don't remember my life before being a treasure hunter. They...didn't take great care of me."

Souta's brain finally started to put the clues together. Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Please let it not be what he thought it was. "They hurt you," he said carefully.

A sharp nod.

"They..." There was no good way to ask this. He didn't want to ask this. He wanted to call someone else and make them deal with it, but there wasn't anyone else. "They raped you."

A choked sob. "Just one. They all hit me, though."

Souta closed his eyes, taking a bare instant to imagine _he_ had the chance to kill the men in question. "Ah," he said. 

Before Souta could move, Masumi was off the floor and down the stairs. Souta wanted to call out to him, but he didn't know what to say, so he watched him escape the room for the second time.

On the bright side, he thought, lying back in the chair...he wasn't sleepy any longer.

* * *

Natsuki was an early riser, Souta knew, so he staked out the corridor near her quarters. 

"Hi!" she said brightly, coming out of her room and seeming unsurprised to see him.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Can Natsuki have breakfast?"

He nodded, trying a smile. It probably wasn't a very good one, given the look she gave him. "After you," he said, waving. 

Natsuki led him to one of the many small breakfast places near the museum, where they clearly knew her, serving her a big plate of strawberry waffles without her even asking. 

Souta ordered coffee. 

She looked at him over a messy forkful of food. "So?"

"Has Masumi dated since you've known him?"

The best thing about Natsuki was that she never seemed to be bothered by how odd or inappropriate a question was. Souta wasn't sure if she didn't know or didn't care. 

Natsuki considered his question seriously while chewing. "No," she said decisively. 

"Has he had sex with anyone? With you?"

"Not with Natsuki or anyone else." She tilted her head. "Masumi thinks Natsuki is cute. That's enough."

He couldn't help it. "You don't want to have sex with him or date him?"

She shrugged. "Makino thinks Natsuki is still affected by the Sun of Lemuria and is growing up slowly. Do you want to date Masumi?"

"Er...I'm not sure."

"Masumi is difficult," she said, cutting some more waffle and holding out the fork for him. Obediently, he took the fork and ate the waffle, which was a lot sweeter than he preferred in his breakfast, but he knew better than to refuse food. "But Natsuki loves Masumi anyway. Masumi is loyal and worries about Natsuki."

Souta nodded. He understood what she was trying to say. And he'd seen how Masumi's front of crankiness hid a deep well of worry about her and even about the rest of them. "Masumi, does he seem okay? I upset him the other day. I didn't mean to."

"Masumi likes you. Masumi trusts you," she said with a shrug.

Souta's eyebrows shot up.

"The Vril? Masumi knew Souta wouldn't let Natsuki be hurt."

Souta sat back in his seat, picking up his untouched coffee and drinking. He remembered, of course. How could he forget fighting his exact duplicate? Or the moment when he saw Masumi pointing his weapon at Natsuki and his own desperate dive to save her. Natsuki was right. For all the gibes about being an ex-spy, Masumi did trust him.

"Souta didn't mean to upset Masumi."

"No. I, er, I brought up some bad memories. He told me about some things that happened to him."

Natsuki stopped eating and stared at him. "Told you? Masumi told Souta things? Hard things?"

Souta opened his mouth, then closed it again. Damn, how had he missed that? Lack of sleep be damned, how had he missed that _Masumi_ had talked to him? He'd voluntarily told him about something emotionally painful. The man who nearly died rather than admit he thought Natsuki was cute had talked to him about his awful childhood. 

"I need to find him." Souta almost knocked over his coffee in his haste and Natsuki just waved him off.

* * *

Souta was willing to bet Masumi was in his quarters. Willing enough to stand outside his door and patiently buzz every few minutes until the other man gave up and let him in.

"What?" Masumi snarled as he finally opened the door.

Souta made his body as loose and nonthreatening as he could. "Can I talk to you?" He really wanted to go into Masumi's quarters, but he didn't want to push.

Masumi stared at him. "Fine," he said, stepping back so Souta could come in.

Souta stepped in, sitting in the desk chair, hoping that was okay. Masumi slowly sat on the edge of his bed, arms crossed.

"I don't want to apologize again."

Masumi gave him a strange look, but didn't speak.

Oh god, Souta thought, don't let me screw this up. "I didn't understand what you were trying to say. I thought...well, that doesn't matter. Thank you for being honest with me."

Masumi started to speak, then paused, seeming to think about what he wanted to say. "What are you looking for?" he asked eventually.

Souta took a deep breath. Bravery and honesty deserved the same in return. "You saw one of my nightmares about the things I did as a spy. People I hurt, people I let die. It wasn't even the worst dream I have. And once the dreams have started, only a few things will stop them: enough alcohol to incapacitate me, sex, or, uh, having someone else there when I sleep. Preferably someone I trust not to kill me."

For the first time, Masumi almost smiled. "Cuddling?"

Souta did his best mock-aggrieved look. "Fine, cuddling, if you want to call it that."

Masumi smirked at him. "Big tough spy guy needs a teddy bear."

Snorting, Souta felt the tension ease just a tiny bit. "Teddy bears don't work. I tried."

Masumi sobered, angling his body away. "I'm not sure I _can_ have sex with a man."

Souta kept his response calm, despite the punch in the gut of those words spoken aloud so bluntly. "Have you had sex with anyone as a grownup?"

"With women. It...it was okay."

Souta considered that. "Are you attracted to women?"

Masumi shrugged. "Yeah."

"Are you attracted to men?"

Masumi froze, just like he had the other night. It was as horrible to see as it had been the first time and Souta didn't want to think too hard about what made him react like that. "Maybe," Masumi managed.

"Having sex with me isn't going to fix whatever you think is broken. Just as having sex with women didn't."

Masumi's eyes flicked back and he scowled. "I know."

"Do you want..." Souta paused, changing mid-stream. "What do you want?" 

Masumi tensed up and Souta had a bad feeling he'd somehow said the wrong thing again. But Masumi shook his head sharply and turned to face him. "I want to not be afraid. But I don't want just sex."

Souta flinched. "I didn't mean it that way. I thought you were upset at the idea of a relationship, so I was offering—"

"What you thought I wanted."

"Yeah."

Masumi carefully relaxed his arms, bringing them down to his sides. "I want to try."

Souta nearly slid right off the chair in relief, but he didn't miss Masumi's small flinch at his movement. "Will you be okay if I stay here for a while?"

Masumi's eyes widened.

"To nap. If I don't get some rest soon..."

"Oh. Yeah. If, y'know, you need to cuddle, I might be able to find you a stuffed dinosaur in the gift shop upstairs."

"Very funny," Souta grumbled to cover his relief at the almost normal smirk Masumi was giving him. Moving as slowly as he could without being too obvious, he kicked off his shoes and draped his jacket over the chair. Then with a mental prayer, he sat next to Masumi on the bed. "D'you want outside or against the wall?" he asked, matter-of-fact.

"Outside," Masumi said, doing a fairly good job of faking calm.

Pulling the blanket back, Souta slid behind Masumi and scooted back against the wall, closing his eyes and waiting. He could feel his exhaustion pulling him under, but he held on for the interminable time until Masumi lay next to him, ever so slowly scooting until their shoulders were touching. It was enough and Souta let sleep take him, knowing his nightmares would be held at bay for a little while.

* * *

When he woke some time later, Masumi had flung an arm over Souta's stomach. Souta smiled to himself, trying to decide if Masumi was ready for teasing about his own need to cuddle. Probably not.

In a comfortable half-doze, Souta had no problem telling when Masumi awoke, because his body tensed and the arm that had been limp against him flew back as Masumi nearly fell off the bed.

Souta yawned and stretched, keeping his eyes closed to give Masumi a chance to collect himself. "Best sleep in weeks," he said. He felt the mattress shift and left his eyes closed until Masumi had stopped moving. When he opened them, Masumi knelt next to him, looking uncertain. "Whatever you want," Souta said.

Agonizingly slowly, Masumi bent over and kissed him. Souta let his eyes close again and enjoyed the press of lips against his. It went on for a while before Masumi pulled back and Souta opened his eyes, smiling up at the flushed face above his.

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

Masumi nodded. "Yes."

Souta sighed, relieved. "Then I guess I should get some work done, now that I won't fall asleep over my computer."

Sitting up slowly, Souta stroked Masumi's cheek and took a chance, leaning in for another kiss. It took some effort to stop, but eventually he did, sliding off the bed and retrieving his shoes and jacket. "Thank you," he said.

Masumi didn't respond, but he didn't look like he was going to punch Souta either, so that was probably okay.

When the door shut behind him, Souta dropped the casual pretense and slumped against the wall, head down. That really had been the best sleep he'd had but...shit, what if he broke Masumi? He wasn't exactly a model of mental health either. This was a truly terrible idea.

He did some math. Oh hell, Masumi was what, 20? If the records he remembered were correct, he'd probably been 13 when those...he took a few breaths. Masumi had been 12, 13, something like that, when his abusers had been killed in front of him. God, this really was a terrible idea, but stopping now might only make things worse for both of them.

Souta snorted. He really knew how to get himself into difficult situations. He'd just have to hope that his skill at getting _out_ of them alive would suffice now.


	2. Chapter 2

Masumi strolled into the salon half an hour later, dropping down on the couch next to Souta. Souta gave him a pleased smile, then went back to searching databases for any reference to a Precious that Mister Voice insisted could be found under a mountain on the west coast.

Souta nudged Masumi with his foot and pointed with his chin at Eiji, who was balanced precariously on one of the stools. Grinning, he put his laptop down carefully and he and Masumi looked at each other before leaping over the table and hollering "Boo!" into both Eiji's ears, causing him to fall forward off the stool.

Eiji roared, rolling as he hit the ground and lashing out, catching Masumi's foot and tumbling him over as well. Souta danced out of the way, nearly knocking over Natsuki, who was carrying a bowl of cherries toward the table. "Sorry," he said with a neat bow that ducked him under Sakura's grab at his ear.

"Stop it," Sakura said, annoyed as he laughed. 

"Worry about them, not me," Souta said, pointing at Eiji and Masumi, who were still wrestling, and Sakura turned toward them, beginning a lecture about decorum that was being completely ignored.

Souta leaned against the wall, holding his stomach as he laughed.

His laughter slowed when he saw Satoru looking at him from the other entrance. Satoru raised an eyebrow and wandered over, leaning against the wall next to him.

"So," Satoru said.

"So."

"Is there anything I need to know about the two of you? Anything that's going to affect the team?"

Souta did him the courtesy of thinking about it. "It's complicated," he said eventually. 

"Isn't it always?" It's possible that Satoru was looking at Sakura as he said it, but Souta chose to not examine that too closely.

"More complicated than usual," Souta said. Satoru gave him a worried look and Souta shook his head quickly. "Nothing to do with the team, I swear. We'll do our best to keep it professional when we're working."

Satoru looked pointedly at the others, where Natsuki was now hitting Eiji over the head with an eggplant.

"Er, you know what I mean."

Satoru nodded once. "If there's anything I can do..."

Souta sighed, looking at Masumi, who was tickling Natsuki. "I'm not sure if there's anything _I_ can do."

"Well, he looks better this morning than he has in a while, if that helps."

Souta stared down at the floor. "Yeah, it does."

Satoru clapped him on the shoulder. "Both of you should be careful. I don't want to lose any members of the team."

Yes, Dad, Souta thought as Satoru moved away. It was adorable the way Satoru thought he was only worried about the team. Then Souta saw an opportunity and dove into the fray.

* * *

A few nights in each other's beds and Souta was starting to feel cautiously optimistic, which is why he didn't think anything about Masumi, Natsuki, and Eiji's mission to retrieve a Precious from Hokkaido. It shouldn't have taken more than a few hours, even counting travel time, so Souta didn't mind staying behind so he, Sakura, and Satoru could focus on finding a pattern in a series of minor attacks by Gaja.

Even when the call came in that the Precious had been moved and they were looking for it, Souta was mainly worried about them being ambushed and attacked.

It wasn't until night fell and Masumi and the others were still tracking the thing through the back alleys of Sapporo that it occurred to Souta that he would be sleeping alone. Which was a ridiculous thing to be worrying about, he thought, scowling at his computer. 

It was just...it probably hadn't been enough time for the nightmares to be completely gone. Maybe. Maybe not.

Just in case, it made more sense to keep working. No reason to tempt fate, right?

The others went to bed, one by one. Even Makino had signed off some time ago. Souta kept his head down and concentrated on cracking into a JSDF database he thought might have something useful.

He went with Sakura to collect evidence from an attack the following morning. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't. Souta had never been so grateful for her natural reticence. Besides, one night's lost sleep was nothing. All of them had worked on far less sleep than that in the past!

Makino needed some help testing a new machine and Souta threw himself gratefully into that, pausing only to periodically check that his teammates hadn't been killed or injured.

Instead of working in the salon that evening, where someone might come bother him, he moved his laptop into the museum's library after they closed for the day. He started to doze off a few times, but by sitting in an uncomfortable chair, he stayed awake with just a few fleeting visions of explosions and bloody faces.

Most of the way through the third day, the other half of the team returned. Souta suspected that Satoru might have sent Masumi to him where he perched on the roof, looking over the city, because it was only moments before Masumi appeared beside him, looking pissed.

"Have you slept since I left?"

"What do you think?" 

"You look like shit." Masumi stalked up and poked him in the chest. "A child could knock you over right now, let alone a Negative."

"Sleep wasn't safe, so I decided to be useful instead."

"Great. I'd have been thrilled to come back to find you _dead_!" Masumi was shouting now.

"What was I supposed to do?" Souta shouted back.

"I don't know." Masumi glared at him. "Find someone to have sex with?"

"That's not what I wanted!"

"You were waiting for me?"

"Yes, idiot." Souta crossed his arms and glared back. "Did you think I was just waiting for you to leave so I could fuck someone else?"

"Yes!"

"Ah!" Souta threw his hands in the air in disgust and turned away, swaying on his feet and surprised as Masumi's arms came around to hold him up. 

"You're an idiot, too," Masumi said into his ear.

"Probably." Souta leaned back, letting himself relax for the first time in days. "But I don't think of you as just a convenient body."

"I don't think anyone's ever called me convenient."

Souta chuckled. Masumi slowly let him go and Souta turned to look at him. "Masumi...I'm with you because I want to be. For whatever 'being with you' means."

"Are you saying you'd be fine if we never have sex?"

"I don't know!" Souta leaned against a pipe, shaking his head slowly. "I don't particularly want to give up sex, but I'm not willing to pressure you into something you don't want."

Masumi turned away. "Wanting isn't the problem," he said, sullen.

"So then let's not make any final decisions after only a few days." Souta took a chance and stepped forward, slowly wrapping his arms around Masumi and drawing him back into a reverse of their previous embrace. "I can wait. Despite what you think, I'm not actually led by my dick."

Masumi snorted.

Souta squeezed him. "I like sex, yeah. But I can control myself."

Masumi tensed and Souta automatically let him go. Taking a few steps forward, Masumi slammed a fist against an air conditioning unit. "Damn it."

Souta had a sudden vision of the bastard who'd assaulted young Masumi, probably saying it was Masumi's fault he couldn't control himself. "I'm s—"

" _Don't apologize!_ " Whirling to face him, Masumi's face was contorted with anger and self-hatred. "It's not your fault."

Souta let out his breath, willing himself calm. "You're right, it's not my fault. It's also not yours. There are going to be things that bother you. I won't always know what they are. You might not even know until they come up. And that's okay."

"God _damn it_." Masumi punched a fist into the other palm. "Why do you..."

"Why do I care?"

Masumi didn't answer.

Souta looked him in the eye and told the complete truth. "You're my friend. My comrade. Maybe you can be something more, when we're ready. For now, we can help each other."

Thankfully, it was both the truth and the right answer, as Masumi relaxed and Souta pulled him into a hug. It was a bit desperate on both their parts, but they held on tight. 

"C'mon, let's go," Masumi said, letting go of his shoulders and taking his hand. "You need some sleep."

"Uh-huh." Souta let himself be led, half asleep already now that Masumi was here to watch over him. 

"You also need a keeper, clearly."

"Clearly."

"Great. The blind leading the blind," Masumi said, tugging him into the stairwell and throwing Souta's arm over his shoulder to half-carry him down to a floor with an elevator.

Souta chuckled as they stumbled into his room and onto the bed. As long as Masumi was there, he really didn't care about anything else. He was asleep before Masumi had even gotten settled next to him.

* * *

They slept together every night. Even on missions, their sleeping bags were next to each other and Souta had discovered that just holding hands under the cover of darkness was enough. His subconscious might start a terrible dream, but the grip of fingers in the real world diverted his mind.

Sometimes he dreamt of having sex with Masumi and that was painful in a different way, but at least he didn't wake up screaming. It certainly wasn't the first time in his life he'd woken up with an erection and he knew how to will it away when necessary. Souta took extra showers and was grateful for the sound of water hitting tile covering any sounds he might make.

Masumi also woke up hard now and then and he would disappear immediately. Souta stayed curled up on the bed, closing his eyes and thinking about nothing at all.

They kissed and cuddled and teased each other about cuddling. Masumi put his peas on Souta's rice and Souta forced him to eat bok choy instead. Masumi left increasingly ugly stuffed animals on his chair and computer and once, memorably, in Go-Go Gyro.

They kicked ass on missions and if the other members of the team sometimes gave them strange looks, they also chose to mind their own business.

Masumi got comfortable touching and being touched and Souta hadn't had a nightmare in weeks. 

And then Souta took a step into yet another warehouse and everything went black.

* * *

Souta limped out of the infirmary, chafing his wrists. Something about being tied up always left him with phantom pains in his wrists for days. Very aggravating.

He was unsurprised, when he entered his quarters, to find Masumi waiting there, pacing back and forth. 

"I've been released by the doctor," he said, for lack of anything better to say in response to the pinched look on Masumi's face. Carefully, he slipped off his jacket. His shirt was long gone, a total loss about five minutes after he'd been captured. The sweatpants he'd borrowed in the infirmary hung low on his hips, but he couldn't be bothered to find something better, since it hurt so much to move.

Masumi took a few steps forward, ghosting his hands over the dozens and dozens of bandages over every exposed part of his body. "Jesus. It almost looks worse now."

"They're not serious," Souta said. "Intended to hurt rather than damage. I should know." He closed his mouth abruptly.

Masumi paused in his examination and looked at Souta's face. "You've done this," he said. "To someone else."

Souta's throat felt like it was closing, so he just nodded.

"Why?" Masumi asked.

Souta gasped for breath and Masumi took his hands, pulling him over to the bed and making him lie down. Masumi climbed in behind him and wrapped himself carefully around Souta, pulling up a blanket. It wasn't until Masumi's warmth sank in that Souta realized he was shivering. 

"Tell me why," Masumi said.

"I needed..." He gasped in a breath. "I wanted to know where to find some information. I thought it was kinder than damaging him. I told myself that I didn't do it often. Usually...I usually left that to other people, let myself believe my hands were clean."

Masumi made an unhappy sound against the back of his neck. 

"That's one of my nightmares. He's screaming and bleeding and begging and then I kill him." Souta burrowed back against the warm body behind him, heedless of the stinging of his injuries. "I didn't kill him. I'm sure I didn't."

"I know," Masumi said. "I know you didn't kill him."

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't have done that, moron. Even back then."

"I did a lot of bad things. I hurt people. I killed in the heat of the moment."

"I know that." Masumi rested his forehead against the back of Souta's head, his breath puffing on Souta's neck. "I just don't care."

Slowly, his shivering subsided. He couldn't fall asleep yet, but he drifted. And if tears dripped from his face onto the pillow, neither of them commented on it.

* * *

The cuts took longer to heal than Souta expected, which was mostly difficult because of the way the others looked at him when they saw the bandages. It was a little better when it was down to scabs, but he spent more time staying out of everyone's way than usual. 

Even Masumi was being...gentle. He was too nice and it was driving Souta up the wall. 

"Stop it!" he yelled a week later as Masumi fucking well tried to _tuck him into bed_. "I'm not made of glass!"

Masumi glared at him. "I know that."

"Then stop treating me like I’m going to break."

Crossing his arms, Masumi looked down at him. "Oh, pardon me for being worried. I mean, I only spent 19 hours sure you were dead, only to find you a bloody unconscious mess because a fucking Negative thought he'd have some _fun with you_. I'm supposed to forget about that?"

Souta closed his eyes. "I...I thought..."

Letting out an annoyed breath, Masumi sat on the bed next to him. "I know what you thought."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about it from your point of view," Souta said, frowning. Masumi looked at him, his expression unreadable, for so long that Souta started to fidget. "Um...is there something else?"

"Yeah." Masumi nodded, then turned so he could kneel on the bed over Souta, kissing him...no, devouring him. 

Souta responded immediately, grabbing Masumi's shoulders and holding on for dear life. When Masumi's hands tugged at his shirt, he lifted his body enough to let it be pulled up, gasping as Masumi moved from his mouth to his chest. "Wait," he managed through the fog of lust. "Wait."

Masumi pulled back, his eyes glazed over. "Huh?"

"This...I mean, this is amazing. But—"

Masumi's face cleared. "We need to stop treating each other so delicately. Neither of us is going to break. And besides..." Masumi scowled. "I've got a hot guy who wants me and I refuse to be scared of a dead asshole any longer."

"Are—"

"If you fucking well ask me if I'm sure, I'm going to punch you in the face."

"Got it." Souta ran his hands under Masumi's shirt, caressing his nipples and enjoying the full-body shudder that got him. He wanted to say that he would stop at any time if Masumi told him to, he wanted to ask if each thing he did was okay, but Masumi knew the first and would be pissed at the second. 

Souta pushed Masumi back a bit so he could sit up, then he stripped off his shirt and reached for Masumi's. Masumi brushed him off and stood, removing his own shirt and—with a defiant glare—unbuttoning and pulling off his pants and underwear.

Souta could hardly breathe, but he followed suit, not wanting to be left behind. Masumi tugged on his arm and they lay down on the bed side by side. God, he wanted this so badly. He wanted to be sweaty and sticky and lose control and he wanted it with Masumi. Young, sarcastic, brave, ridiculous Masumi.

And Masumi clearly wanted it too, if the way he grabbed Souta and pulled him close was any sign. Not to mention his extremely interested anatomy. Souta grinned as he stroked Masumi's dick, making him groan and arch his back.

Masumi laughed and returned the favor, making Souta momentarily forget what he was doing, lost in pleasure. He managed to get his senses back enough to kiss his way down Masumi's neck until he reached his shoulder and started to suck.

"Ah!" Masumi said, but it was a good sound, so Souta kept going, licking, sucking, and biting across his neck and shoulders to see how Masumi responded.

"What do you want?" Souta asked, breathless.

"What I _want_ is to fuck you," Masumi said, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top to stare down at him, expression ravenous.

Souta caught his breath.

"I want you panting and moaning and calling my name."

"Jesus. Fuck. Yes. Anything."

"Later. We'll do that soon." Masumi dove in for a long and heated kiss.

Souta couldn't decide what was better: getting to touch Masumi all over or being touched. Everything felt good...no, everything felt amazing. His skin prickled and he was mumbling things into Masumi's skin, telling him how brave and wonderful and hot he was. How good he tasted and how good he felt.

Unsurprisingly, neither of them lasted very long, but Souta didn't care. Endorphins cascaded through his body and he wanted to kiss Masumi forever. Grabbing a bunch of tissues, he did a half-hearted cleanup of both of them, while Masumi nuzzled his cheek.

Before Souta could say anything, Masumi nipped his ear lightly. "'m fine," he said. "No thinking. Sleep now."

Souta chuckled, laying his head on Masumi's chest, where he could hear and feel the other man's heart rate as it slowed. Closing his eyes, he listened to the steady beat and let it lull him into a sleep he knew would be full of nothing but good dreams.

\--end--


End file.
